I'm Not A Liar But Sometimes I Fib To Myself

Today I woke up at 5 AM, checked on the baby, and had a bad morning. Dealing with baby throw-up is not the way to start a good day. This doesn't mean that today has to be a bad day, of course, but there are better ways to start your day and it seems the start of your day often dictates the general shape of the rest of it.

I have a list of chores to do around the house on HabitRPG, a website that makes to do lists into an RPG-like game. It's surprisingly effective for me.

One of those chores is "tidy the living room."

I sat here for the past 30 minutes staring at the mess around me while my little one napped and all I could think was "There is no way in hell I am getting up and cleaning this room. Not even a little bit."



I then got up and immediately started tidying the living room, then checked it off my list as being done for the day.

Oh, if you looked at the room you wouldn't call it tidied. I barely call it tidied (though it is quite a bit better than it was before I started) but today I need it to count as done.

I need to be able to lie to myself.

I'm not a liar. Not really. But sometimes I need to fib to myself. I need to be able to tell myself that "this is okay" even when it's not.

If I couldn't lie to myself like that, I think I'd go crazy. It's not a lie in that I believe it; there's definitely an internal wink and a nod that tells me I know what's what. The lie, instead, is in saying that I "gave it my all."

I didn't. I don't have "my all" to give today.

I half-assed it. I didn't want to even do that much. There's no way I was going to whole-ass it. Half an ass is as good as it's going to get right now.

There are only two things that are getting whole-assed today:

1. Keeping the baby alive and happy.
2. A super-secret surprise for Laura's birthday.

Those two things? They get all my energy. Everything else will get done when I get to it, for some value of "done."

And then I'll check them off the list, done or not, because I need it today.

And that's okay, even if it's not.

The pictures have absolutely nothing to do with anything, in case you're curious. See? I even half-assed this entry.